Dating someone with one testicle

It's an epidemic of cowardliness and women are getting fed up.It seems that these days the only real way to get a date is to ask the man himself.But don't they understand they are just denying themselves that slim opportunity to find real happiness?They're letting their pride get in the way before they even have a chance to fall.No, you select them gently and place them down carefully on the counter.Handle his balls like you would handle those really expensive organic eggs from Whole Foods—uh, at least up until the part where you smash them and empty the contents into a frying pan.

In the interest of preserving testes everywhere, here are nine things you should never, ever do to balls.

Think of these like the Kosher laws, in that they tell you what This is Balls 101. It also makes you nauseous about 15 seconds afterward, which is confusing.

Don’t hit, tap, smack, slap, or kick the huevos of any man you aren’t trying to physically destroy. If you are dating a Christian Grey type who wants you to step on his junk in a pair of high heels or whatever, lace up your Louboutins and start stomping. By the way, there are no degrees of ball-hitting like there are with murder.

Handle with care at all times, and don’t pull on them like you’re Quasimodo ringing the bell in Notre Dame Cathedral.

This goes double for if you’re trying to get your guy closer to you in bed. Hey, you can even grab his member and pull on that—those things are practically indestructible.

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