Dating someone on the rebound
So my partner of two years left me without warning for a mutual friend three months ago.
I find myself doubting all my feelings, not least because of the betrayal that I am still processing. Dear Susan, Thanks for the smart and self-aware email. There are two issues here that I want to address separately: I take a pretty cerebral approach to dating, but ultimately, relationships are about what’s in your heart. Is it generally a risky bet to date someone on the rebound? But do people on the rebound fall in love every day? Ultimately, you will never know what kind of relationship you have on your hands until you let down your guard and stop keeping him at arm’s length.These are things that happen in a relationship that don’t happen when you’re just platonic. You were in a relationship with a person who was uptight. My mom married a man who was an overcorrection from her deceased husband.This doesn’t mean you have to have sex with him tomorrow and get a ring on Friday. Try a new relationship on for size and see if it fits. My dad, son of Russian immigrant parents, was not the most chivalrous guy. Then spend more time with him and give him the feedback that you’re open to a romantic relationship. And please come back and let us know how it goes, okay?Hearing your friends bring down someone who made you feel shitty feels like it should be justified in the grand karmic scheme of things, but your health and happiness need not be contingent on someone else’s pain and suffering.4. If you feel up to it, Burns says,“You can ask your besties to share the ways in which they didn’t think you were your best self in the relationship, which is not the same as unproductive ex-bashing.” Why is this okay? But truthfully, during this stilted, awkward breaking-up period, it's hard to tell whether you'll be able to be friends or not.Burns explains that “Sometimes hearing an objective perspective can help you grasp how the relationship wasn’t serving you and can shed some light onto how you may have given away your power or not valued yourself in the relationship.” Just make sure you’re asking and learning from their insights with the intention of growth. Generally, one person wants to be friends and the other wants to be more.